The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
my poor anus
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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