I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
