I'm going to rape someone's good day.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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