You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
