Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
