i think i have two assholes
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Randomize
