what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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