I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
