legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
