i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
