My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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