He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize