Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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