I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
