she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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