my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
