I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
