Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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