she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
foreskin is a definite game changer
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
