I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
