First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
