Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
