I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
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