Sry I called you an 8
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
