Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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