I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
