I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
