I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
