Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize