I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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