And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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