Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Randomize
