i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
