I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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