i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
