I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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