Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
