??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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