Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
