i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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