We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Randomize
