I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
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