Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize