On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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