If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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