I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
