I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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