Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
