if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
