If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
