Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
