is your mom at the bar?
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
