My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
