and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
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