absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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