But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
