So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
