i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
