Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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