google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
