i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
