Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I think im going to throw up on grandma
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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