he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
