When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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