I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
