still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Houston, we have a blender
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
