roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
